No blame

Finding focus... reasons to continue... mid-life, but late, crisis?
Meanwhile being outside brings me some sort of fulfillment... a normal spring, again.
But wait! Let me start at the latest beginning, as I enter into:

Rant # 3,648

Wars and rumors of wars... every day. Everybody wants to rule the world. (Wasn't there a song by that title?)

Forget gold and silver... check out the price of a rump roast. A simple everyday cheap cut of beef. So I bought some ground turkey to do a hearty meatloaf. It had absolutely no flavor.

I'm thinking to give up cigarettes, though I really like to smoke. The cost doesn't bother me, but of late with all the people bumming "just one", it's become a nuisance. And heaven hold your breath should I say, "I'll sell you one for 15 cents." You'd think I was charging an arm and a leg! Only those people who know the importance of a budget understand "why" the small price.

On one hand I find myself angry about home issues; then just as quickly I am thankful to have a home at all. I entered my eighth month of an overwhelmed budget. The light is now visible and I am happy to be moving in a right direction. (In previous posts I shared the combination of occurrences that brought this about.)

I often come to my blog thinking I must only post good stuff. Nothing sad, mad, or scared, should ever be committed to the Internet world of "dcrelief". What a bunch of rubbish! If anything I want to convey the fact that I am real. I live. I cry. I laugh. I fall down and get up. What anyone thinks of me is not the issue. If someone reads this blog and determines one sentence gets them through some issue of their own... then that's important. I'd like to know about those things.

God's blessings. There is so much controversy concerning religion. Hah! There's nothing NEW under the sun. (Ecclesiastes). With a few years of peace here and there, but not necessarily everywhere at the same time... there's nothing new. As if all the arguing and debate is the point of religion. Hmm? No, nothing new there either...  and ~ it is the point... keep everyone fighting. Then if our house gets hit by the storm, call it God's will. Don't call it HARRP.

The reason I live is because I have faith that the very God people would shun does indeed exist. It's taken me years and some wonderful experiences to shape that belief... and it is belief. Most of those experiences had negative results... for a while. I could no more "see" anything good to come than the next person. And don't think I've got it down pat today either. I'll always be seeking His face. End of topic.

So I am back to the start of my post. I think it must be time for a change though I have no idea what that might be. It just seems to be a waiting time. Maybe my head needs to catch up with my heart. Until then I'll keep doing the short sabbaticals in the sunlight; after all it is spring, still. The post man will be happy to note the removal of the poison ivy from the area of the mailbox! The rubbish collectors will be happy to see the neat little piles of brush by the road; job security? Last of all a Fibromyalgia fog is hopefully lifting soon. I can't wait for the poetry of my heart to return to the blog.

Thanks for visiting!

"let me out"

It's thrilling to meet an artist who can do this type of work. He simply "sees" the object "inside" of the wood. It beckons him to let it out.(wow)

The tree man will return this week to do more tree removal. Our last episode had him cutting the large, limbless trunk into eight sections. They respectfully measure between 8-12 feet each, with a diameter of 3-4 feet. This is no tiny tree!

Can he make this bench? I'll have to show him this photo and see what he says. Also I can't wait to see photos of things he's been making during the interim. Hints of specially designed pieces were clues from the last episode. I suspect he'll have the Adirondack chair completed??!(smile)

Surreal - Tuesdays

Have you ever had a moment when time appeared to stand still, even though the days are passing quickly? This is what I'm experiencing. I count Tuesdays. It seems to be a anchoring point. Suddenly seven days have passed and it's Tuesday again. Tuesday? Is there any significance in my choice of Tuesday? I have no idea.
Any thoughts from the blog-sphere?

And the photo? It's as if they are standing still... surreal.

Memory rose

Hi Mom~ your rose began to bloom on Thursday.

Strange how nothing came to mind for me to blog about.
Not until I sat down and remembered the rose, did it occur to me.
I must have walked past it a dozen times on Friday.

My god-daughter has a phone camera.
Yes, you'd love her too.
I can't wait for you to meet her! One fine day.

You're the one who said, "Every year when that rose blooms..."
You know I thought it was dead, so we cut it back really hard.
"... you'll know that I'm thinking of you, Dixie.

Thanks for the rose, Mom.

child-like

I would love to return to a place of innocence.
Did I grow out of it, or did older people influence my change?

And why would they rush me to grow up?
What could possibly be greater than beauty and wonder?

Curiosity painted the flowers - each one a carefree color.
Tiny petals tempted the brush: "paint me red, no paint me yellow."

Little eyes gaze upon small bugs wanting to paint them too.
Look at all the feet that could use little shoes.

Adults tell me I cannot go back; are they wrong?
I love a retreat for a heart that loves nature's creatures.

Grab your paintbox and your brushes.
I go to a place of innocence ~ and you?

by the light

By all means, the lights must stay on.

As I child I explored the world of darkness. There were many moments of fervent adventure under my bed covers to places unknown. Yes, there might be the occasional lamp or flashlight to abolish a creepy feeling, but I never thought the light would become a necessity. And who paid for light? Wasn't that a gift from the Creator I so loved? Wasn't night time darkness simply the sun taking a nap? And hey! Why wasn't the moon always around? The biggest night time lamp available that wasn't always shining; what was the deal?

This photo captured the essence of my most recent adventure.  I'm mostly all grown up and yet keeping the light has become more important that playing in the dark. Arrggghhh! One day you realise how much a power system holds you captive. The company that provides it is the big bogeyman monopoly... not unlike the game of the same name... you can purchase stock in it you know?

It's a hard climb but I think I've finally reached a place where I can plug in. I cannot control the price of the therms... just wear more thermals when it's cold. Summertime will soon brings it's own irrational thoughts to be dealt with. Maybe an ice pack in my lap while I'm at the laptop?!! Either way, damn it, by all means... the lights must stay on.

Do you have a choice of energy companies where you live or a monopoly like I live with???

Or what do you think about the photo? I found it while looking for new light fixtures! This could actually work for me.

spring rite - right?

Nothing says Spring like a pot of pigs in chocolate pudding.
Hey nana boo-boo, bring on the pigs.

Nothing says Spring like a barrel of those little wafer bars.
Hey nana boo-boo, bring on the bars.

When I was a child
Chocolate wasn't there
Not like it is today
But only at the fair ~
Hard candy and cotton stuff
May have been nice
But wasn't enough!

Hey nana boo-boo, I'm older.

On a more serious note - it's been raining all day. Ah, what has happened to the sunshine? Now I must trek to the store and find some chocolate morsel to satisfy this crazy craving. Is it the rain that tortures me? Might the torrential downpour prohibit me from my trek? Would I, could I be satisfied with a simple danish(scone like thing)?

Nothing says Spring like: get in the car, find something for real, bring it home in a small poky, sniff for five minutes to whet my appetite... and... and...

Hey nana boo-boo, nothing says Spring like a pot of pigs in chocolate pudding...

the fruit of the tree

Busy time in my yard! The big tree is finally unfolding into such spectacular objects of desire. Who could say "no" to this really smart wooden sofa?

It's been a long time for the tree lying across my front lawn. Lots of people have hauled away load after load of logs for firewood. Many a fireplace burned this past winter with the treasure from my home. Eventually an 80 ft. long trunk was left and ... "what to do, what to do?" Answering my advertisement for "free wood," Peter the tree artist called me up! And look what he does for a living!

It will cost me if I decide to have him carve or build anything for me; such a hard decision, and who knew it would come to this? I figure at the $ rate of the pieces... I can afford a small wooden plate, maybe. Amazing, this fruit of the tree!

a must share

I've been pricing out solar, battery and direct current lamps for my yard. Along comes this brilliant idea. I simply have to share... a must share!

This is not my yard... not yet! These pots have been painted with brand name, "Rustoleum's glow in the dark" paint. I'm thinking that these pots must get an incredible amount of day light.

I'm thinking to use smaller pots that create a line of light next to my walkway. Or maybe some pvc pipes pushed into the ground. The plants are not a requirement.

(Oh I simply must break down and purchase a new camera. I'd love to share the fruit of my labor.(smile)) Until then... you 'all' light up my life.

Height - as in stacking up the boo-boos

Height has always been an issue for me. My fear of heights has deterred many a project from being
done. Strangely I can climb up ten feet on a ladder and be okay. Any height less than that and my legs turn to jelly, and my stomach turns. It seems so foolish, but I have learned to pay attention to all fears.

There are "heights" in my mind too. Situations come along and affect my well-being. I'm required to cross a bridge. Wait, isn't this, then, a "fear of bridges?" I thought of that and realized that the crossing was the easy part. When distracted by the height, the bridge disappears. A more serious situation requires more commitment. There has to be a way of reducing the height... a way to reduce the depth of hurt, loss, or whatever emotion I fear will result. Is that even possible? Did I explain it well enough to be understood?

In my life I think the space under the bridge, that makes up the height, is the result of my putting off the task of resolving an issue.   In other words I let things accumulate until they're harder or more challenging to resolve. So there is a away of relief.  And that's all I have to say for now.

Loki's giving away free stuff

http://napoleonicwargamingadventures.blogspot.co.uk/2013/04/2nd-blog-birthday-giveaway.html

Happy Birthday Loki!!! Hope I win some stuff!!

modern conversation

Someone is getting really certain of what she wants (I know) and doesn't want to put up with (I know) and time is moving on (I know).

You know? (I know) You know what? (Smiles and nods, knowingly).

Is is me or is it disturbing when the only answer from a friend is... I know? (I know).

Then the fabulous option of replying...  I see. (I see) (I know)

Which leads me to the all-knowing, all-seeing response: (I understand)

But lately this has been a okay. (I know)  How do you know? (I know you). Wait, that's three words in a response... wow... that makes me happy. (I see) You see? (I see you're happy) Oh, four words and I am feeling freed by your support and feedback. (I understand) I know you understand. (How do you know?) I know. I see. I finally understand.

Let's do lunch again soon. (When?) You'll know.

Dear Diary,

At some point you will realize that you have done too much for someone, that the only next possible step to do, is to stop.

Leave them alone.

Walk away.

It’s not like you’re giving up, and should not try.

It’s just that you have to draw the line of determination from desperation.

What is truly yours would eventually be yours, and what is not, no matter how hard you try, will never be.

Today is that point in time...

~and more will be revealed.

~ and so this is Easter...

I've never been able to correlate the Easter celebration with the truth of Passover. Jesus didn't celebrate Easter with his disciples. He didn't tell them to eat chocolate bunnies "in memory of me." He ate the Passover meal with his disciples. He explained the holy day's meaning and how God was fulfilling  a gift through him. When I read about Passover and looked at the life of Jesus, it all fell into place for me. My own experience has proven things to be very real. But that's me and this is my blog... and this is what I wanted to post.

Each person's experience brings them closer or takes them further from this message. So even if you don't get it today, it doesn't mean you'll never understand what I'm saying. Likewise, it doesn't mean you'll ever believe like I do. Either way, I'm not a judge; I have no expectation.

Thanks for reading ~ dc

Really?

time is...

A break in the clouds.
A moment to rise above the feelings.
Time is, and the roots I had are dead.

No thing prevents me.
No anchor is there to hold me down.
Time just is, and the roots I had are dead.

Moonlight to carry.
My thoughts I release, as I arise.
Time is, and just like me, shall go on.

Neil Gaiman quote

an impromptu post

Initially I intended to post the "pithy tidbit poster" without any further comment. With so much that appears to be traveling my path with me, maybe I could add some more juice to the dill (deal). Woe to the cheeky pickle that steals my smiles.

In this "newness" without a second income partner, life has changed up. Years past I considered myself to be quite independent. Then along comes this year. I feel anything but independent and my ego is in the way of accepting help. A recent quote awoke me: "Through our own inability to accept personal responsibilities we were actually creating our own problems." Nothing I did was fixing "dc". Nothing I did gave lasting peace.

Is that what a normal life is? Up and down, and some repairs don't work, while others barely hold? Did I need a new glue? A glue to bridge things or simply start again? A friend suggested an inventory of what works in my life and what doesn't work. Along that path I realized some things just need to be let go of... certainly more than I have ever released from inside.

Let me wake up then. Give me coffee so I can bath in it's aroma. Give me roses so I can remember lessons when I touch a thorn. Give me friends that know what the heck I'm posting. I give to you an impromptu post.

give me a political break

Oh yes! Something a bit different for the old "dcrelief" page. Good stuff, so listen to this very short link and I'll be back.


"America is not the greatest country in the world anymore."

A dramatization here:  http://www.safeshare.tv/w/UAGOcLSuLX

Okay that was easy. Did you notice the background music when it kicked in? That's a clue to be seriously pondering stuff.  I personally found the music to be distracting and unnecessary. Then again, I'm not a film director.

How about that "sorority girl" remark? In a flash the cheerleaders were prepping protest signs stating: "We are not the dumbest college generation." It gave me a real chill up the spine hearing the speaker state the responsibility of all to be informed... including partying college "kids".

For those of you who were totally bored by my need for a political break... hopefully you had a snack close by... for the rest I leave you with a photo to digest.

So what's the beef? and where?

Oh yes?

check ~ please

jam. box ~ check
musical cd's ~ check                  

6 a.m. breakfast ~ check
early morning snack ~ check
light lunch packed  ~ check
energy drink ~ check
zip-lock bag of ice ~ check
granny-smith apple ~ check
bottled water ~ check

plastic stakes ~ check
yellow layout cording ~ check
tape measure ~ check
small hand truck ~ check
yellow wheel barrow ~ check
127 gray curved blocks ~ check

So here you are: a look at the blocks I'm working with; how they lay and how I'll play the day.
I must be crazy, but I like the look.

eat the last apple ~ check
drink last bottled water ~ check
fall out in bed ~ check