Stripping away the rose colored glasses of denial concerning my reality. Getting in touch with truth. Reaching out to others in empathy concerning their reality and their walk to truth.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008


Words on a page are the same as a pencil sketch; limited in their scope of being understood, or worse, misinterpreted. One must use adjectives, more words, to view shadows and highlights, just as more pencil or charcoal enhances, or defines the sketch.

In my case I have always used photos to do what I've not had the capability of doing with words. I am not a word-usage descriptive, accomplished writer. I am a wordy artist. And as I sat writing away on a recent children's story I realized how inadequate I truly am at mastering adult composition; mastering the adult mindset. The children's stories always come easy because I still remember what it's like to be a child. My nieces and nephews tell me they enjoy my stories because: "Aunt D, it's like you're a child writing about a child." Yet my child-like ways have hurt me within this internet sphere of "meeting other adults and thinking they want to play."

If I am confused it is only because I live in a world few live in. I have a disability that extends to mental, emotional and physical arenas. I have done nothing to become this way. I took some prescribed medications given for 4 years and those were the disabling bullets that took the life I knew but cannot get back. Things will never be the same... and some days it’s not all bad. During those years of medicated torment I saw things you could not in your wildest imagination see or conceive. I saw, felt, touched, heard, and acknowledged a world of existence you have no idea is even there and eventually I arrived at a place so full of light and peace; I wanted to stay but purpose had me return to this place, where now, only my subconscious remembers what it is I returned to do.

In regal beauty... the red Gerber...bathes

An awe-inspiring flower did touch my heart one day
And though its beauty yielded radiance, I had no words to say.
I watched the petals form and fan in no short span of time.
While gradually I felt its power that swayed this regal rhyme.

A sprinkling of the rain fell softly and hung.
Round beads as golden glass on the petals they clung.
My eyes filled with wonder and small human tears.
This beauty before me was tender and dear.

A bath from on high caused the glistening and shine.
It prompted my memory to also be thine.
Put all of my trust in the lord of the lathe.
And seek my own duty… as the red Gerber… bathes.

Night Fishing

I knocked on the door of a kindly old fellow
And asked him the way to Deerfield Park
He smiled rather slowly and answered,
“Lady you’ll get lost out in the dark.”

Funny but the sun was sinking fast now
As I looked around I could barely see
He nodded the white-haired head slowly,
“Lady, do you see that tree?”

A low hanging limb reached the ground
Where rows of colored roots crossed the land
He turned and walked off without a sound
“Lady, take you time, the scene is grand.”

So I walked to the tree in a gentle wind
Night birds sang out in searching lark
A chillness in my shoulders and thought I heard
“Lady you’ll get lost out in the dark.”

I knocked on the door of a kindly old fellow
Got lost while camping at Deerfield Park
With a hot cup of coffee the evening mellowed
“Lady can you stay for just one night?”

I watched as the full moon climbed across the sky
Illuminating every tree in sight
Night birds picked a path on which to fly
“Lady grab the net, I got a bite.”


There’s a pain within me burning and I try not to let it show
I’m dealing with a substitute of what I used to know
A real emotional trauma caused closeness to slip away
Yet here I sit with years gone by and want to find my way

I’m challenging my every thought to put behind a certain death
That took a choice without my voice, threatening life’s dear breath
So day by day I visit those who help me feel the pain
In hopes that I will finally live to find the thoughts that bring me gain

Its one step here and one step there as pieces of my life returns
The progress of the heart and mind are a like a flame that burns
And I will know the love that’s left and give it time to grow
The love I would have had if I had challenged long ago