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"Balance is something I can only glimpse, as I go from one extreme to another." (Quote: my brother, Ben.)
Quite the profound statement! In 1988, when my brother said this in a recovery meeting for addicts, I almost dismissed it. Still it stuck in my head, circling for many months until a year later I joined him in attending meetings. At the first of September, Ben celebrates 28 years free from drug addiction. On October 4th, I'll celebrate 27 years! He has been a great support in my recovery.
Ironically, he's been living with me for the month of August, while his new apartment is completed. It has been pleasant to have him here. I almost hate to see him go, but he's not a kid... he must have his own space... and me too. Living alone for five years has had its pros and cons, but I love the peace and quiet.
He gets "home" every day and then walks 4 miles. Ben knows I'm in physical therapy and again, his support has been appreciated. He has no judgment of the simplicity off my assigned exercises. As he said last week, "You've got to start somewhere and gradually increase as time passes. (It has taken me a year to work up to 4 miles.) Take your time. You'll get there, Dixie."
I know he is right. He and his wife have decided to divorce. I have hesitated to even mention what I'm experiencing, but I know he must "see" some of the physical struggle that daily life is for me... right now. And that brings me to the positive side... he knows I'll work hard to regain the "me" that I was... not so long ago. The divorce is upsetting to me... I cannot choose sides, as I love them both. So I try to avoid dwelling on it, moving on with my own battle. No, I can't help but get a little teary-eyed thinking about them.... but for now, I'm on a journey that needs my full focus.
So where am I now? After 5 therapy sessions I know how bad my situation is. Balance is the one thing we all need. It helps us walk and do tasks, ranging from the simplest to the hardest. It is also something that I'm having to regain... a slow battle. I have two therapists. One is helping me regain strength in my left leg and arm. The other is working on my balance issue... but actually the two must go hand in hand.
I've chosen to do my exercises 4 times daily, though it's not required by my therapists. Still it speeds the process and that makes me happy... I have a sense of accomplishment. and isn't that important? I get tired, and rest between the toughest exercises. There are six exercise treatments this week, two more than last week! Hopefully before the end of August, I'll be able to walk in the yard alone. I have to be able to keep my balance on level ground first. I'm grateful to have a large patio! My yard is not level, so it's a "no man's land" for now. :(
So to close this, I refer back to brother Ben's quote... "Balance is something I can only glimpse, as I go from one extreme to another."
I hope your frustrations are few or at the very least, manageable. I hope you have balance, be it in your mental, physical, emotional, or spiritual realms! Know that I miss you, and pray for my blog friends every day (smile).
Love, Dixie
