Periodically I go through the paces of reflection and growth. I take the time to read back over the monthly journal I keep, housed in the smallest wire notebook I can find. Little notations from blogs I read, quotes, and items of research and interest fill its pages. Is this the month I’ll find myself worthy of standing before the Creator’s gate, thinking of entering in?
Phone calls from family and friends, and what I’m supposed to be celebrating during the month, occasionally dominate a few pages: “what birthday party? Was I supposed to be there?” (See page 28.) Who needs assistance with groceries? How many pairs of pants will get the kid back to school? Returned calls and follow-ups get a big red check-mark! But does my charity count for something or am I being arrogant to think that giving is the way to open the gate for entering in?
Most days are a toss up as I computer-dive or catch documentaries on subjects that peak my interest. I love to cook and often take two-four hours of prep time to ensure some fresh stuff gets consumed. Tuesday mornings are strictly reserved for viewing art shows; capturing techniques that assist my own sling of acrylics. Wednesday is “Godmother Day” and I look forward to visiting with the 84 year old mentor who thinks I “hung the moon.” (Please don’t tell her otherwise.) But are those interests aiding my goal of approaching that wondrous gate and entering in?
It is a profound experience to enter my “prayer closet” and lay down the people, places and things I would, but can not control. My list at times goes on and on, as I try to earnestly remember who needs what? (It’s hard to read that small notebook in a dark closet.) My committing things to memory often fails and I conclude that maybe I wasn’t supposed to ask something regarding a people, place or thing I’ve forgotten. As always I find myself in a small heap remembering that I am supposed to be there to listen, as the Creator knows what I have need of before I go in the closet. Yet in all of my repenting and praying for a world that hungers, do I accumulate faith that grants me passage through the gate and entering in?
Years ago I found some scripture from the KJV 1611 that sums up what I believe.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding. Acknowledge Him in all your ways and He will direct your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6
Many years have passed and as I stand before that gate, time and time again, I am prompted by my mind to force my entering in. The words from Proverbs said I should use my heart to trust, acknowledge the one who knows my turn, and let Him direct my movement. I reflected on the reasoning, purchased three new notebooks, and wait on the omnipotent plan for arriving at the “right” time and entering in.
