Candles in the wind go out…
Not to compete with Sir Elton John’s song, “Candle in the wind;” his song, speaking of a life lost to confusion. He admired the life that eventually blew itself out. Then he rewrote the song to show respect for the loss of another one. When is the wind strong enough to blow out the candle?
Recently I’ve been reading about other lives and their desires to continue living. They have a ‘driving force’ that propels them through the world they travel. They speak of recovery from various dilemmas and events that took some or all of their life away. Yet this ‘driving force,’ this motivational person, place or thing, took them to a level of wanting to continue to exist. The person, place or thing, ‘saved’ their life; like a surrounding wall protecting the flame of their candle in the wind.
So I wondered in my own way of wondering, which is flawed at best, but still it’s my own: what is my ‘driving force’ to continue existence? What keeps my candle glowing? What gives me shelter from the wind? …
My little computer cursor has been blinking for five minutes now, until I finally typed this sentence. I’m searching in my mind for an answer and I have none. Have I no ‘driving force’?
The wind has always found me. The wind has always blown out my candle. Then one day I just decided I’d only light my candle when indoors. Then when it got blown out it was because it was at the bottom of the wick. With that spent, I’d simply get another candle to light. So maybe my ‘driving force’ is simply to have a lighted candle? Maybe the realization that I can blow it out just as well as the wind gives me control? I don’t have any real answers today, but I bought a new box of candles.
I have lots of sayings that I keep to keep me going, so my answer is:
ReplyDelete"If hope was a candle I'd light a thousand and string them all together in the black velvet sky. And if they died in the grey dawn, I'd light them again and never ask why"
My candle burns bright at the moment, because I want to win. The past and my ghosts have won for too long, I want to take back the power over me that I gave them. Whilst this might not be others driving force, it is mine as I am still working out who I am. Hold on, for your candle guides me too with your courage. You are special and much loved xx
I should also add that this strength has come after 7-8 years in the wilderness - of shouting at the wind and not knowing where to turn and sometimes thinking that it was all too hard for me. I have become a new person, a person who fought for their existence as a name, and that is my driver at the moment, as I work out who I now am, having been reborn. I am motiviated by you, by the truths you first shared with me - the honesty you shared, and which I now reflect back. It is hard, but you and I are worth it. Small steps remember and don't be discouraged if others surge, they started out with small steps on their journeys too. Much love xx
ReplyDeleteI don’t have any real answers today, but I bought a new box of candles.
ReplyDeletethat's lovely.
keep 'em lit, friend.
loj...
Dear dcrelief,
ReplyDeleteWhat keeps your candle blowing? That's a good question.Or as Shakespeare put it, "To be or not to be, that is the question, whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles,and by opposing, end them..."etc,etc.
I think like "a jewel shining through" says, when you've been through trauma, it is always small steps at first, and then "from small acorns mighty oaks can grow" and all that. I also think that time is a great healer. Eventually, we all get over whatever it is we're going through, move on and, in a way, become new or different people, tainted perhaps by experience, but still able to enjoy life.
But in answer to your question, what keeps me driving on? I think that somewhere, deep down, I always had a belief in myself,and the truth behind my situation. Despite what anyone else said or did, I doggedly kept on keeping on. I cannot deny I've had days when I would have preferred my light to have gone out, but something, somewhere within me wanted my light to go on shining.
Anyway, this is rather a long comment, so I shall end it here. Thanks for a beautiful, poetic, thought provoking and inspirational blog dcrelief. Hope to see you in blog land again soon.
Yours with Very Warmest Wishes,
David.
["My candle burns bright at the moment, because I want to win. The past and my ghosts have won for too long, I want to take back the power over me that I gave them."]
ReplyDeleteThank you Julie! That's exactly what it feels like, that I'm attempting to do. Sometimes I'm afraid my addiction to hope is for naught; just an empty addiction; but still I go one. Kindness to you friend, dc
Jewel: Bless you for that comment. I hear you. dc
ReplyDeleteloj: thanks friend. :)
ReplyDelete["...whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune..."]
ReplyDelete["Despite what anyone else said or did, I doggedly kept on keeping on."]
David you've shared the two opposing forces here in a way that I can comprehend and I thank you for that. In kindness and peace, dc