Stripping away the rose colored glasses of denial concerning my reality. Getting in touch with truth. Reaching out to others in empathy concerning their reality and their walk to truth.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Wandering around

Often my family insists I forget the past and get on with the future. My closest friends know me differently; they realize I lost a lot of past and explore to it to ‘see’ today. My focus stays on today better, when I’m able to have memories that tell me what to avoid. Or of memories that tell me what was good.

I’m not sure where this post will go. I’m wandering around, remembering good things, and planning the moments I live with trust. Trust in myself or trust in others until I can fully accept that I’m okay to continue in certain areas. Its self-exploration and maybe you’ll get something out of this. It’s not my plan that I write, only about myself, but extend my thoughts to you for a healing of sorts. Only you know what you need; leave the rest.

Most of you know about the physical, mental, and emotional trauma associated with Fibromyalgia; I’ve written about it before. But who was this woman before that long word came into being? Can I set it aside, simply look at me and cheer the moment, as I have my mind currently in tact? I am thinking clearly. So I’m taking advantage and moving a bit closer to goals.

Strangely, this time, something wonderful has happened. While wandering around the past, I remembered that I used to get ‘rescued’ all the time by my Mom. Of course she’s been dead for 12 years… no more rescues forthcoming. Yet, I sat down and thought of every positive word my Mom would have said. Such joy when at least one parent takes an interest in your life. I found myself cheered by her words. She who taught me that being me was the most important issue ever. So it was that an outpouring of self understanding has arrived. I sincerely hope that this will enable me to understand more of you.

What makes us, what breaks us, or what takes us to great heights? Can we share it, will we share it; are we ready to connect in a way that establishes acceptance? As I wander around the blog-sphere and read what each of you is doing, I am most grateful to be a part of life. It is as if my Mom is not gone but speaks through the wisdom, experience and joy that others share. Yes, even your pain speaks to me and I shed a quiet tear for you. It’s just something I’ve always done. How comforting that the part of me I want to keep is coming back.

Is there a part of you that needs remembering and renewing? See the Doctor.


  1. love this are a true artist...thanks so much for the words of encouragement and I will definately check out the book.

  2. FmC: Nice comments; thank you.
    Seuss yourself!

  3. Dear Dixie,
    Are there parts of myself that need remembering or renewing? I certainly think so.
    I often can't help but feel that part of myself- the loving, nurtring, perhaps feminine side, was lost along with my own illenss. I try to persuade myself that this is not so, that I retain that part, that it's just somehow different now. But something also says, some nagging doubt, that things will never be the same again. So perhaps it is a matter of remembering and renewing. Who knows what might get lost otherwise.
    Wishing you Health and Happiness,

  4. Hi Dixie,

    It is exciting to hear the breakthrough you have had!

    I've been pondering what you are saying about the past and realized that much of the message that we hear, and may teach, can fall short of the full meaning of what the Buddha was saying when he spoke of leaving the past behind. Like so many other concepts, we tend to over simplify things.

    Before we can leave the past where it belongs, we have to acknowledge the conditions that brought us to the present moment. We did not arrive here without the scars from our past.

    It seems that you have had the wonderful experience of finding yourself viewing your past as an observer rather than a "re-liver". Even a slight detachment from the emotions surrounding past events can be the breakthrough we need.

    Moving out of the past does not mean ignoring it. It is a process of stopping ourselves from using it as a way to define ourselves today. We are not the same person we were 10 years ago or even 10 minutes ago. The clinging to these stories and images is the cause of suffering, not acknowledging their impact on us.

    You are onto some exciting things here! Look at yourself and cheer away! The past is not the enemy unless we get caught in the trap of trying to make it better. That is for tomorrow.

    Keep going and know that there are those of us cheering you on also.


  5. Dear David,

    I humbly thank you for being so transparent here. I too, have realised that "things will never be the same." Then again, what if the 'new' is better than the old or previous? Dare we give ourselves permission to just be open to moments that present themselves?
    I think your comment did just that. And maybe what we lose is okay, when we have friends and contacts that share like you have! It may not come down to feminine and masculine, but an integration of what suits our personality now.
    In health, happiness, and peace,

  6. Dear Roger,

    I am cheering on your projects. You are missed at your site; I count it my treasure to hear from you.
    It is like I dropped a tiny pebble into a small pool of water and then watch the ripples move out. Because the pebble and pool are small I am able to take a part of life and examine it, detach, and move forward to the next small pool. If I can remember to only use small pebbles, the ripples are easier to watch. I know the surfaces they touch.
    I am most grateful for what you have shared here. Thank you for always being a positive light. (Makes it easier to see and pick up the right pebble, next.)
    In peace,

  7. Dixie, it does this old heart good reading these words. What an exceptional post this was...

    By holding onto those good memories and remembering words that bring you light and comfort, you will eventually achieve the inner peace that often seems out of your reach...but it is there, my is there.(smile)

    I enjoyed this...

  8. Dear Dixie,
    What a lovely, transparent, optimistic and encouraging blog.
    We have discussed phases in our lives. The truly positive aspect that has resonated from you; is that you remember how life once was, you do remember the good times. Despite all the trial and tribulations that have caused you so much heartache and frustration, even the 'fog' has not been able to take away your memory.
    So as you reflect upon the past and the inspiration of your Mother. You see a resurgent you living in a more positive 'now', blessed with the comfort that your Mother still cheers on the Dixie she loves.
    Now you move on to the next wonderful phase in your life. A new hope, a new joy beats in your heart. We are all a part of a special experience. You know I have been there and tried to ease your pain. Through my tears, for you, for others and for me, I am cleansed. Dixie, your renewal grows ever stronger.

  9. Hi Mattie,

    I've often felt like the little boy in a childhood story, taking his Mother's only coin to market, to buy food. He realises that he's lost the coin, and cries: "I had it there, but I lost it here." He retraces his steps frantically looking for the coin, only to finally find it, in is pocket!

    So what an insightful comment you've left for me. Peace and peace consistently is a treasure. I'm busy filling up every pocket I own.
    Your hopeful (for both of us) friend,

  10. [Klahanie]Hi Gary,

    If I may be so bold... often you remind me of my Mom, with your wonderful humour, gift of happy banter, your analytical processes of thought, and creative energy!

    You often challenge me to reach higher, or dig deeper to ensure the life I want. It's great having you as a friend!

    Warm blessings of life,


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