Friday, February 6, 2009
Many of you may not know that I wrote the Zimbio wikizine called, “Arching”; just an online magazine type publication. Arching dealt with childhood sexual abuse, the adult survivor, as well as physical and mental cruelty.
“Arching’s” and my goal was to explore me, the person I am today through visualization backward through times, events and characters. At one time I even had a male partner to aide me in defining moments, concepts, and contraptions. (lol) I suppose you could have called it a “cathartic” blog, releasing emotions through experimentation of the spiritual, mental and physical planes.
A person who handles a bow and arrows must be strong to control the bow, patient to let the arrow fly at the right moment, and in quiet focus. Okay so much of that I flubbed or made mistakes with. Still when I look at this icon I get the feeling that life is stronger and so am I. Indeed, today I know she was the best choice, I am positive just looking at her.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
~Charlotte January 20, 2009~
I’ve had a bad run of trusting for a long time. Some people say it’s all in my head. Some people say, hey, you’re blinded, what could you know for certain? All I know is that I’m getting over the reason I even considered to trusting, ever again.
I had swells of deep contentment, love whispered on my lips, and a hand touching my face; all of that has left. Tears want to fall but I defy their choice that makes me appear weak. I am secure in knowing I will remain alright.
For me there will not be trusting. I’ve always felt the cold stare at the playground. Home life was filled with fear. Don’t make me trust you. Don’t make me trust you. Tell me I don’t have to trust, and then maybe I will. At lease give me a choice.
Weathermen are always wrong: “Well, maybe some snow, maybe a little snow, mostly cold and frost, snow is always possible.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
(I'm in the wrong blog! Wtf?)
Miss Daisy Duck crinkled her left eyebrow and winked at the “Donald”.
Donald spoke up then, “You silly duck, why are you winking at me? I need some quackers, do we have any quackers?”
“Sure we do, Donald; come over here and I’ll give you a nice big quack!” She winked again. ;)
Okay a silly joke I made up so I could write a silly blog. The point for me is to stay positive. And this is okay today.
It’s hard for me to talk negative when I’m thinking (and winking) positive. I get serious and then stop winking. No, no, give me back my duck! Give me my positive life.
Do I care what anyone thinks about me anymore? Absolutely not! I like being a private, serious, happy, person. Yes, I am nuts too, but I like it. When you read my profile, that’s really who I am! I would not have anyone mislead, but I think I have been blown out of proportion. In a polite way…I love it when one of you says: “what is she thinking?”
Originally I opened this space to write. Just to write stuff without following some sort of pattern. I did not choose to blog, as in “a journal of postings concerning an on-going daily account.” I chose to be a writer, and basically I have just been “goofing off”.
Looking back I see where I had developed a different perspective. I changed my direction from where I was in September 2008. Today I find myself facing a decision I need to make for myself. To stay where I’m at or go back to the “profile” person I still am?
So in order to maintain positive anticipation I’ve called out my ducks to give me a bit of a laugh at it all. My ducks don’t know about mental distress. They figure everyone gets a bit “daffy.” (I hope you know Daisy, Donald and Daffy Duck.) I am feeling very positive right now. Losing the fear of another anxiety attack happening is freedom. Pure bliss and my ducks are on the pond. Smile for the photo finish. Quack….quack…quacks. A positively silly blog!
(dedicated to David)