Saturday, April 24, 2010
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
"A Jewel Shining through," left me this comment and I'd like to respond via this post. She's very much in tune with self-discovery being a form of recovery.
"Dixie, well done on reaching back and drawing yourself back to your true self - you still have that spark within, however dim it might seem to you now, just a breathe will fan the flames again. Wishing you the best, Julie xx"
Thank you Julie. I know you get it; most have no clue. They think I'm living in the past or refusing to let it go. But what if the past suddenly catches up and I have to ask where the events existed to begin with? Does an event have anything to do with my current reality? Then again, most know nothing of 'emotional amnesia'... so the nightmares or the dreams mean nothing to them either. (More of that another time or another blog.) I'm glad you visited. XX
In my estimation there are many years I can't recall due to trauma. That hasn't stopped them from sending me messages! The 'self-help' aisle is lined with greedy people. Looking over the products they present can be frustrating. I tire of being someone's subject; I enjoy being human.
Excuse me, the little demon on my shoulder is trying to tell me that I have no more strength. "Oh! did I knock you off? So sorry!"
What seems like a long time ago has returned to teach me. The joyous life of that special girl holds out her hand for me to take. I've decided to respond as best I can; she has dreams I'm slowly remembering. She has spunk and spark, things I need to live boldly... as I "boldly go where no one has gone before."
If I write here it is to clear my head. The book I started is calling me to complete it. So if you get anything out of this, congratulations.
If it's true that "I am my own worst enemy"...then I can also be my own best friend. Just like the graduate I was many years ago...I trusted me first.
Alice is a friend of mine who lives in North Dakota. She laughs at me whenever I tell her: "It snowed here last night." I go on and on, all excited, thinking a 2 inch snow is something to be excited about... until Alice sent me this photo from her local news. I almost died laughing at myself. I call her "Alice in wonderland' now; I mean how the heck do you get around in that mess? I'm hoping she'll send me the photo of the plow that cleared that.
So if you're not in the Dakotas, you might not get it. Get what? ...get the 22 feet of snow. Now that's a real snow job.
~Thanks Alice. Maybe you'll see the ground by summer.
Water. I need water. I need it to keep my brushes from drying. A very simple need and yet I keep forgetting to retrieve it.
My needs are so simple and yet I deny myself the treasury of life. This stops now! From now on, I live, I move on to a place where I'll be free to use or not use my talent. I will not allow anyone or anything to stand in the way of what I want, or don't want.
I took a trip in a time machine
It was the strangest place I've ever seen
No one there resembled 'green'
So I came home and recharged my batteries.
No one. No one. No one is going to stand in my way!
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
There's no quick fix for every thing that comes and goes along my path. I use precious tme to build my mind and my body suffers. There is balance, but I have only had a glimpse of it...as I go from one extreme to another.
In the living room, on my couch, I sat; tears in my eyes, I wanted to begin anew, but how? The phone rang and a friend explained her son was having surgery. Four years younger than me and tomorrow he faced bi-pass surgery on his heart. She called because she wanted me to pray for him.
God,(as I like to call Him) has always answered my prayers. It's not always in the manner or time that I expect, but that's okay, we have an understanding. Strange... I sat there just minutes before wondering what to pray for myself. I'm thinking I needed a different focus; was that fast or what?
If you're reading this and you use prayer: please pray for Robin.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Late at night when the house is very quiet, I feel as if, time is standing still. There's a silence that beckons me to write but the day has left me exhausted; tonight I'll write anyway. I'll write because if I stop I may never start again.
Experiences of the past three - four months has left me with lots of questions. I've decided it's just one thing at a time... and if time is standing still...my chances of success might be better.
That's really all I have to share.