Stripping away the rose colored glasses of denial concerning my reality. Getting in touch with truth. Reaching out to others in empathy concerning their reality and their walk to truth.

Friday, February 27, 2009

a piece of history

It angers me to think that childhood was full of cruel jokes. Jokes played on me and each other.
Jokes of competition:
“I have, but you don’t.”
“I’m smart, but you’re not.”
“I’m loved, but you are a slave who must settle for what you’re allowed.”
And my personal favorite:
“If I want what you have or what you have been promised, then you won’t get it.”

I used to sit and cry about not getting my Grandmother’s china cabinet. It was promised to me when I was nine years old. I was the only one ever allowed to play with the special items inside of it. May sound silly to you, but I loved that old piece of furniture.

Seems my Grandmother left it to my Dad and it sits in his house. He decided he wanted it and I could have it after he passed away. He tried using it against me to get favors done until I’d had enough of the game. I went out and bought one; he was really angry about that. A reaction I didn’t really expect.

So what I gleaned from this was what I call, “dangling the carrot”. Farmers would attach a carrot with string to a pole. Then dangle the carrot in front of the nose to get their mule to move. The mule would continually try to grab the carrot. As soon as the mule would get close, the farmer would yank the pole and move the carrot away. I didn’t feel like being the mule.

The best part is… I don’t want to be the farmer either. Just proves that though I’ve been through some strange stuff, I don’t have to exhibit the same behavior. I don’t feel the need to compete with or for people, places or things. You don’t know how freeing that is. I don’t feel the need to be jealous of others, wearing my insecurity on my sleeve. There is no one else like me.


  1. You'r right there is no one like you. You are one of a kind!!

  2. You are the best friend anyone could have. Thanks.

  3. Dear Dixie,
    Your individuality, your resilience in what has been a tough life; gives you the inspiration to know that just over the horizon, is that better life.
    Your insecurity will weaken as you rise above a negative environment.
    Knowing that being here for each other, rather than competing against one another, is truly liberating.
    Thanks for this blog, Dixie.
    Warm wishes, Gary x

  4. Dear Gary,
    I am blessed with many inspirations, such as your empathy, and positive interaction.
    I thank you too.
    In peace and love, Dixie

  5. Gary,
    I know you're right about the "insecurity will weaken as you rise above the negative environment." Thank you for that!
    I may want-need to blog on Fibro and the effcts of that on focusing on the locale of the horizon.
    To others it may seem cut and clear, for me it is cracked veneer.
    Thanks Gary for your comment and input. Dixie x


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