Stripping away the rose colored glasses of denial concerning my reality. Getting in touch with truth. Reaching out to others in empathy concerning their reality and their walk to truth.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

A nice photo

I took this while I was visiting the east coast of the Carolinas. It was a cold day, but the boats looked interesting, still laid out for a trip later in the day? I didn’t know, didn’t care, and just took the shot; it’s pretty. The couple on the beach was exchanging words loudly. The gentlemen taking a walk was walking in a fast pace. There was nothing really outstanding about the end resulting photo, but when I saw it today, some two years later, it reminded me of the painful way I live today.

I’ve been foolishly trying to live my life online. Met people, lost people, wrote for some people, and tried hard not to get involved with anyone. How unfortunate to discover that no matter where I go I take me too. It’s not like I haven’t been told that I have problems; I’ve been told. I’m aware of the some of my issues. Lately I have to deal with them daily. I don’t think there’s a “go back” button and because I’m feeling responsible for my feelings, there is no going back. There’s death and then there’s healing; always more healing.

So let there be healing. I’ll ask for something when I want it or need it. For example: assistance in healing. I refuse to feel guilty when asking someone to help me. If they cannot help, then I move on and ask another person. Somewhere along the way there will be someone to assist. As healing begins to sink into my head I realize that I am responsible for my actions, especially abusive actions. I'm now doing what's been done to me and I hate my life. I hate the photo.

Ironically I am just as responsible for my inactions. Those things I tell myself I will do but don’t get done; like letting 156 photos hang in a computer file for two years? I’m tired of looking at nice photos and wondering why I can’t get closer? What inaction must I turn into action to be in the photo of my dreams?


  1. Hi dcrelief,
    The painful way you live today. Emotional pain can control our lives. Somehow we have to find that inner resolve that helps us move on from the pain.
    When we take away the 'power' of those who have caused us such anguish, we can start the healing process. You can be what you want to be. When you turn inaction into action; you will be that one step closer to realising the photo of your dreams.

  2. Dc, I echo klahanie's comment about taking away the power of the past... it isn't easy, but for me writing is one way that helps as I can get the things on paper and out of my brain, my heart, my memory and so start to forget them. That's how I see "get the power", taking back the pieces of my confidence, my self-esteem etc that I gave away to others, by building a new me, one who will eventually be able to appreciate the past will not change no matter how hard I wish but that realises more and more it is me who can decide how my present is. I still don't know who I am, but bit by bit I'll get there. I will be that bird that soars free, xx

  3. You both make it sound easy, but it is not. I am in pure hell right now. My entire family is going to argue with me, like crazy, in about two weeks. I will be making a decision for me.
    Just think of me Okay. dc.


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