Stripping away the rose colored glasses of denial concerning my reality. Getting in touch with truth. Reaching out to others in empathy concerning their reality and their walk to truth.

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Alone ~ with thoughts















It's a time when thoughts will not quiet. They go 'round and 'round, and threaten to immobilize my days. So here I am in the draft space of blogger and typing out whatever comes to mind about my being alone with thoughts. 

We all are truly alone with our thoughts until/unless we share them. So here I go. I'll share mine and if you have anything to add, feel free to do so.

I have a childhood friend/sister who came looking for me last December. She decided to look up my parents' home address and call the phone number associated with it. When she dialed I answered the phone. It was a remarkable reunion at that point. We hadn't spoken or seen each other in 20 twenty years, maybe more. Interestingly, both parents had passed on, and I inherited the home. So for her to get me there was really ironic. We would talk for hours and it was as if time never passed.

On Christmas Eve she called and wanted to meet. My van was/is having transmission issues. I've been babying this vehicle for a while... so I couldn't make the meet. We tried a couple of more times to get together... when finally I was able to borrow a vehicle and would see her soon! But it didn't happen.

We had since "become friends" on "Facebook," which is where I keep up with lots of nieces and nephews in the family. I don't get on very much but that's not the point. It's been agreeable for all of us to hang out. So on January 5th, I went onto Facebook to see about a new family member's pet. I read a post where my friend had been found collapsed at her home, by her older sister. Okay so I would not be traveling to see her today! The reports concerning her health were awful. She caught a bug or what? I left a note on her page. Didn't do any good to call her home - no one there.

Finally one of her sisters contacted me via phone but the distance kept dropping the call. So from what I understand, my friend has double pneumonia, both lungs collapsed, which has affected her heart rhythm, and who knows what else. She is has been on a ventilator for days, and went on "life support," on January 11th. This shook me up! So close to a visit and now... what?

I've fought hard to keep my head on. I'm a firm believer that the Creator has reasons... and though I may not see them, I acknowledge that it's the Creator's call. I'm torn between: is this the end or is there something else to come, regarding her, me, both?  I can't say. I can only say that I have prayed for Faith... a word that's hard to define because of so many people's opinions, etc.  For me, Faith is moving along in my life, knowing that whatever is coming her way is really none of my business. I know that may sound strange but it has had the most comforting effect. For twenty years, she's been right here in my heart... often in my thoughts. Has anything really changed?

Wasn't it a blessing for me, to receive those phone calls? Yes it was. I've been in intensive care before, not expected to live, so I know that life turns on a dime. Today's tragedy can be tomorrow's triumph. Today's hero can be tomorrow's homeless. It's life on life's terms, after all. I pray for strength to have strength. I pray for faith to have faith. It's a Creator that gives me space to live, and when I've learned what it is I'm supposed to learn... I won't be back here. I never know when the events that affect others teach me... affect me. But when I'm open to know... type away the worry that seeks to swallow me... I live in a better peace. A better place of peace than I had on January 5th!

I'm going to push "publish" now. There's nothing else to say at this time (smile).

22 comments:

  1. I'm sorry to hear about your friend and will send prayers and thoughts her way. I agree that everything has it's reasons,whether we can see what they are or not. What a blessing that you had the chance to talk to her again. Who knows why or what it's good for, but I'd see that moment as a gift. Hang in there!

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    1. Thank you, Tonja, and as I said earlier, your day's post was comforting.

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  2. How great to able to share what happened and good that you can do this. I do hope that you now feel much better and are no longer trapped with these thoughts.

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    1. Better Carole Anne, but I have a 'blankness' I can't explain.

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  3. Sometimes it helps just writing our feelings down. (Not that the writing will change anything but your own perspective.) It sounds to me like you're thinking clearly about this in that 1) It's still a good thing you connected even if she doesn't pull through this, or 2) If she's fine it will make meeting more of a priority. However, I believe as you do that we are all here until we learn our lessons and then we go Home. So, in this case, faith is just an understanding that everything will work out as it was meant to. (Not easy, but all we have really....)

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    1. Thank you, Robin > "(Not easy, but all we have really....)". You know it.

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  4. Sending healing wishes to your friend and best wishes to you. As Hildegard of Bingen said, "We are all but feathers on the breath of God."

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    1. > "We are all but feathers on the breath of God."

      I like that, Debra, thank you.

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  5. Dixie, so glad you shared your thoughts and feelings with us today. Some day you will recognize the reason for the call from your friend. I sincerely hope she recovers, as much a miracle as you!

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    1. Linda Kay - that's where I'm at. Thank you.

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  6. Everything for a reason, even it it doesn't appear so, I think our purpose on Earth is to learn ... something - though it's probably different for all of us. Sadness is a lesson, from this we gain understanding of what others are going through and learn that we are all vulnerable. I wish you and your friend well.

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    1. Mike, I've been finding white feathers for 2 weeks - all over my house. Never happened before. Guess I'll stop and read another post of yours on this.

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  7. Such a sad and yet happy story too! Do you know how is she now? Is there any chance you could visit her in hospital?
    If God forbids she leaves this world, your mission was probably to put a smile on her face with hearing from you after so many years before she passed (which I hope will not happen)!
    I've recently, last week, met a High school friend after 20 years :) He is a shop assistant in a shop I often frequent and yet this is the first time I've seen him there

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    1. Yes, Dez, it is bittersweet, I agree. She's in an induced coma and they are only allowing family at certain times. Very restricted still.

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  8. Thanks for sharing.....
    I think you should visit her....
    No regrets......right?
    I hope she is on the mend....
    Cheers!
    Linda :o)

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    1. No visits allowed, other than close family. She's in an induced coma.
      Thanks Linda ... no regrets now. (smile)

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    2. Oh dear me....that doesn't sound good....

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    3. No, Linda it doesn't. But I'm really grateful she and I spoke during the holidays. Lots of calls....no regrets.

      One never knows(smile).

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  9. I was recently reunited with my childhood best friend, too, only to have it slip away. I'll say some prayers for you and your friend. We can rest assured that everything happens in God's perfect timing, and fighting it is futile. May peace be with her ~hugs

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    1. I think so too, Jamie. I appreciate your kindness, and am sorry to hear the loss of your best friend.

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