Wednesday, January 21, 2015
Alone ~ with thoughts
It's a time when thoughts will not quiet. They go 'round and 'round, and threaten to immobilize my days. So here I am in the draft space of blogger and typing out whatever comes to mind about my being alone with thoughts.
We all are truly alone with our thoughts until/unless we share them. So here I go. I'll share mine and if you have anything to add, feel free to do so.
I have a childhood friend/sister who came looking for me last December. She decided to look up my parents' home address and call the phone number associated with it. When she dialed I answered the phone. It was a remarkable reunion at that point. We hadn't spoken or seen each other in 20 twenty years, maybe more. Interestingly, both parents had passed on, and I inherited the home. So for her to get me there was really ironic. We would talk for hours and it was as if time never passed.
On Christmas Eve she called and wanted to meet. My van was/is having transmission issues. I've been babying this vehicle for a while... so I couldn't make the meet. We tried a couple of more times to get together... when finally I was able to borrow a vehicle and would see her soon! But it didn't happen.
We had since "become friends" on "Facebook," which is where I keep up with lots of nieces and nephews in the family. I don't get on very much but that's not the point. It's been agreeable for all of us to hang out. So on January 5th, I went onto Facebook to see about a new family member's pet. I read a post where my friend had been found collapsed at her home, by her older sister. Okay so I would not be traveling to see her today! The reports concerning her health were awful. She caught a bug or what? I left a note on her page. Didn't do any good to call her home - no one there.
Finally one of her sisters contacted me via phone but the distance kept dropping the call. So from what I understand, my friend has double pneumonia, both lungs collapsed, which has affected her heart rhythm, and who knows what else. She is has been on a ventilator for days, and went on "life support," on January 11th. This shook me up! So close to a visit and now... what?
I've fought hard to keep my head on. I'm a firm believer that the Creator has reasons... and though I may not see them, I acknowledge that it's the Creator's call. I'm torn between: is this the end or is there something else to come, regarding her, me, both? I can't say. I can only say that I have prayed for Faith... a word that's hard to define because of so many people's opinions, etc. For me, Faith is moving along in my life, knowing that whatever is coming her way is really none of my business. I know that may sound strange but it has had the most comforting effect. For twenty years, she's been right here in my heart... often in my thoughts. Has anything really changed?
Wasn't it a blessing for me, to receive those phone calls? Yes it was. I've been in intensive care before, not expected to live, so I know that life turns on a dime. Today's tragedy can be tomorrow's triumph. Today's hero can be tomorrow's homeless. It's life on life's terms, after all. I pray for strength to have strength. I pray for faith to have faith. It's a Creator that gives me space to live, and when I've learned what it is I'm supposed to learn... I won't be back here. I never know when the events that affect others teach me... affect me. But when I'm open to know... type away the worry that seeks to swallow me... I live in a better peace. A better place of peace than I had on January 5th!
I'm going to push "publish" now. There's nothing else to say at this time (smile).