Stripping away the rose colored glasses of denial concerning my reality. Getting in touch with truth. Reaching out to others in empathy concerning their reality and their walk to truth.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Just a minute, please...

I’m just going to write. When I get to the end, I’ll push ‘publish’ and let another crazy thing move on. Often when I sit down to writer, I feel that all the right, bells, whistles, and tweeters should be perfect. But I’m tired and need to jump off the world. The spinning is making me sick.

I feel like a small star spinning between the massive electromagnetic fields of two planets. Both have set motion and I am the little star that could… right now “the little star that could not move.” So I sit here feeling so small but wonder how I can get lose the feeling; the feeling that I am insignificant among the universe?

I received a card from a friend; sat and looked at the tiny stars on the front, my mind working over time. All of those other little stars and the one she’d circled with an arrow pointed, saying, “YOU”. The card read: “When it comes to friends, you are one in a million!” I saw that. I read that. I didn’t let it set in my mind. I let it float away, devaluing my own existence; strange.

Self esteem can be a tough thing to give myself. I was raised that esteem only comes from outside me. Now I sit here laughing at how small I would have my star be. It’s okay to feel good about my choices. It’s okay to feel lousy about my failures. But it’s not okay to hold onto them; they’re better floating off into the ether, with the other space trash.

Time to reread that manual on electromagnetic stuff; I suspect my brain is hardwired, and some days the server doesn’t work?? Electromagnetic fields forever…you remember the Beatles, right?!


  1. One little star can brighten my universe. I would love to be star, even if it is a tiny one.

    Dixie, I too have many failures but I still want to continue dreaming to be star in my own right, like, hmmm to brighten the day of another person. If only I could.

  2. Actually Dixie if yu want to understand a bit more about electricity, you should google Tessla coils. He was marvelous and did things agains the grain. He is one of my heroes. When it comes to our importance in the universe, I liken it to "Horton hears a who". A Dr. Zeuss story where the world no bigger than a spec of dust on the head of a pin calls out to see if there is life out there. Meanwhile, Horton, an elephant here on Earth hears it. Just faintly at first but definitely there.
    Never give up my dear, you never know who might get the message after all!! Besides some of the most momentous things in history were not the big events but the little ones that could just as easily go unnoticed.

  3. Jun Bullan,
    There are many times you have brightened my day, even today. You are a star.
    Kindness to you, Dixie

  4. Nicholai Tesla, my hero too. I've read some very interesting things from his library of works. Most of them hidden, sadly, from public view. I though about calling out to him. (Dr. Seuss is a hero too.)

    Around my home are many cell phone towers (seven). You would not believe how they affect me sometimes. That's when I want someone to stop the world and tell it to let me off.

    Sure enough, I do have a note writetn to me from an engineer telling me how to momentarily stop the humming. I just can't find the paper (manual).

    So maybe my mind is transmitting back? Oh, poor little 'whos'. Thank you very much Heather.
    Peace to you as well. Dixie

  5. You may be a tiny star, but you are the best.You are a wonderful friend,godmother,and person.

  6. Yet we are all significant stars. You, as another significant star, can float freely.
    You are valid and you shine brightly. We can learn from our 'failures' and know that we are all a part of something special.
    I remember the 'Beatles'. 'Here comes the sun...'
    I'm glad you pushed the 'publish' button and shared this excellent posting.
    In universal peace, Gary x

  7. LR,
    Well, gee, I like your assessment. Towers and rain got me this time.
    Hope to see you later in the week.
    L&P, Dixie

  8. Dear Gary,
    I am significant. The days the towers hum and the sky pours rain are tough for me. I can only guess the Fibro is in the mix somehow.

    I'm a 'fixer' and right now, a bit disappointed, because I can't fix this.

    Your words are lovely and kind; thank for that.
    In kindness, Dixie

  9. Dear Gary,
    Thank you for sending me the note about my misspelling the blog's title. :)x

  10. You are a star, and not at all insignificant to me, my friend. We are all made of stars, coming from stardust, although we sometimes forget to shine.

  11. A jewel shining through:
    As I look back over this post, I realise there must be three subjects I'm dealing with. I think the first thing to do is take one at a time. It might produce a little shine at a time.
    Thank you Julie. :)xx

  12. Hi Dixie,

    Most of us were taught that self esteem comes from the outside. This is why so many of us have suffered the effects of believing in a theory that is not possible.

    Accepting that we are that small spec in the universe does not make us unimportant. It frees us to understand that most of what we fret over is really pretty meaningless. The world will continue to spin long after we exit but the contributions we make to others while we are here go on.

    Your star shines brightly upon a world that needs your light. What you give to others sets you apart from those who keep their light all to themselves.

    Keep shining my dear. My world is better for it.


  13. Dear Roger,

    Thank you so much for leaving this comment. Excuse my length n returning a repsonse; I've just discovered a mis-function on my blogsite.

    You shared: "What you give to others sets you apart from those who keep their light all to themselves."

    This Roger, is the answer I needed. Strange how I was looking over other comment boxes and found yours?! In fact the prior six days have helped me to understand what you've shared. I'll try to remember this; make myself one of those little "post-it" notes to hang on my life wall.

    Just as you've written recently, it's all part of accepting ourselves. Peace and blessings to you,



Thank you for visiting me. Want to add your thoughts?